I saw a blurb the other day that said 25% of American parents are vowing to only give toys made in America as Christmas gifts this year. And to those parents I say GOOD LUCK. No one, of course, wants their kids playing with (or chewing and swallowing, as the case may be) lead-coated toys, but this made in America thing strikes me as an extreme and unrealistic overreaction, since even a casual survey of the bottom of your child's toy collection will reveal that there aren't actually any toys made in America. So, unless your kids have their hearts set on corncob dolls, sock puppets and action figures made out of pipe cleaners, expect some seriously disappointed faces on Christmas morning. That retired grandpa in Tulsa who spends three hours a day making hay corn checker sets out in the woodshed is going to have a banner year as 15 million American parents descend on the shed, having realized too late that he is the only U.S. toymaker in a 900-mile radius.
And what about Santa?? At least there haven't been any recalls (yet!) of toys manufactured at the North Pole. But, having closed his last American manufacturing facility eight years ago (the Rochester, Minnesota plant, following that bitter labor standoff - who can forget those scenes of striking elves chanting "Santa sucks"), how is Santa supposed to honor these parents wishes? I suppose he could start a third list to go with naughty and nice: "Kids with Parents Who Are Ruining Christmas With Their Unrealistic Knee-jerk Reaction." If managing three lists proves too confusing for the old guy, chaos will reign on Christmas Eve as safety-crazed American parents wielding golf clubs and torches chase the confused octogenarian out of their houses. Meanwhile, their children, having woken from all the noise, will scream in horror in the background - the visions of organic American-grown sugarplums dancing in their heads permanently replaced by the vision of Santa cowering in the bushes with his giant bag full of lead paint-infested goodies as the mob slowly closes in. Merry Christmas.
And what about Santa?? At least there haven't been any recalls (yet!) of toys manufactured at the North Pole. But, having closed his last American manufacturing facility eight years ago (the Rochester, Minnesota plant, following that bitter labor standoff - who can forget those scenes of striking elves chanting "Santa sucks"), how is Santa supposed to honor these parents wishes? I suppose he could start a third list to go with naughty and nice: "Kids with Parents Who Are Ruining Christmas With Their Unrealistic Knee-jerk Reaction." If managing three lists proves too confusing for the old guy, chaos will reign on Christmas Eve as safety-crazed American parents wielding golf clubs and torches chase the confused octogenarian out of their houses. Meanwhile, their children, having woken from all the noise, will scream in horror in the background - the visions of organic American-grown sugarplums dancing in their heads permanently replaced by the vision of Santa cowering in the bushes with his giant bag full of lead paint-infested goodies as the mob slowly closes in. Merry Christmas.
1 comment:
I actually stumbled acrossed a site www.unleadedchristmas.com that appears to be attempting to start a trend of celebrating an Unleaded Christmas.
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