Table Talk

Deanna was out tonight so the boys took the opportunity to lobby me to make my signature Dad meal - grilled cheese, tomato soup and apple-sauce with cinnamon-sugar sprinkled on top. As we neared the end of our sumptuous feast, talk turned to the future. After our recent spring-break trip to Coronado Island near San Diego, Deanna and I had declared to the boys that as soon as they were out of college, we would be moving to Coronado and that given the price of real estate there, we would be unlikely to have room for them. I took this opportunity to back off this declaration a bit - and not just because after putting three kids through college, we are unlikely to be able to afford more than maybe a couple feet of dumpster space on Coronado. I also felt that the kids, being younger, needed the security of knowing we weren't just going to pick up and leave, regardless of what they were up to. Families should stay close to each other, I declared, comfortingly telling them we would be living here except for a couple of months each winter.

They seemed to have already taken this families should stay close to each other point to heart, as all three informed me they would be moving to California with us. Hayden, who has inexplicably become an Oakland A's fan, told me that while he would be living in Coronado with us, he would be spending his vacations in Oakland. That kid is in for a sad shock. Owen, on the other hand, had obviously given the matter some thought, and cited several advantages to California living. While many might cite the weather, Owen is attracted by the fact that if whatever California baseball team he decides to root for starts to tank, he will have plenty of other California teams to choose from. He also likes the fact that California is big enough that he can vacation in different climates without leaving the State - in, say, Oakland for instance. After mulling things over for another minute, though, Owen went back to his long-time plan of building and living in a log cabin in the backyard of his best friend Jack, since Jack has informed him he will not be leaving home after college (heads up Lisette and Brad - not only will you be unable to unload one of your own kids, you will be apparently acquiring one of ours! You may want to talk to me about the aforementioned "Coronado Plan").

I then asked the guys how many kids they were going to have. Cooper - none, because he doesn't like girls, kissing is gross, and because kids would interfere with his plans to play Wii all day. He added that the only girls he really liked were his mom, cousins, and his grandmothers. Sounds like a prime candidate to be living with us for the indefinite future, since I am reasonably sure having a "job" would also interfere with said plan to play Wii all day. Owen - zero or one kids; maybe just a pet. Hayden - 20 kids. He will literally need a bus for those family vacations to Oakland. He subsequently scaled this back to 14 or 15 kids and later, out of earshot of his girl-hating brothers, confided to me the names of some of the young ladies in town he has his eye on to bear his 14 to 20 children. Rather than name names here, I will individually warn you mothers in town whose daughters risk a future of being almost constantly pregnant with nothing to look forward to between pregnancies other than bus trips to Oakland. Well, I will name one name - unfortunately another heads up to Lisette and Brad - he has his eye on your daughter!